fleur’s birth story
During my pregnancy with Fleur we were certain that our estimated due date was a week or two out. We thought that our baby would come earlier than expected, especially given that our first daughter came early, and so we were well and truly ready by 37 weeks. Add in the night time contractions and the fact that the baby’s head was fully engaged for weeks, we had the bags packed ready to head to the hospital when the time came. If our calculations are correct, Fleur was born somewhere between 41 and 42 weeks, and so those 4-5 weeks of waiting felt like a fucking eternity.
We had committed to taking part in a community garage sale in the small seaside town where we live. We figured that our baby would already have been born and so we would be at home anyway, and the nesting/decluttering notion had seemed tempting. The garage sale came and went, and I was still pregnant. That afternoon I was irritable, emotional and outright exhausted so I had a nap on the couch. When I woke my husband and I did the dinner/bath/bed routine with our 16mo daughter, except this night I insisted on putting her down to bed myself (my husband had been doing this in the lead up to the birth so that if I was unable to do it once baby was here it wouldn’t be such a change to her routine). I held my baby girl in my arms, she was extra cuddly that night too. I cried and told her how much I loved her and that she would always be my baby.
“You made me a mummy” I told her.
I put her down to sleep, left her room and sobbed.
We had some dinner and watched a movie, which was absolutely terrible. So terrible that we both ended up in fits of laughter - the type of laughter where your eyes water and you can’t stop giggling. We then showered and went to bed around 9:30pm. I kept having the same annoying dream that I was uncomfortable and kept tossing, and at 11:30pm I woke and realised that it probably wasn’t a dream but perhaps labour starting. I went to the bathroom and then back to bed where I continued to get contractions. Of course though, I was in denial that I was ever going to birth this baby. The weeks of practice contractions during the night had messed with my head. It was a total mind fuck and I had come to the conclusion that this baby was just never going to come and I was going to be pregnant for the rest of eternity. After the fourth contraction I checked the time and it was 11:50pm, meaning they were five minutes apart. I went to the bathroom again and had extremely loose bowel movements - an early labour sign. I knew then that I was in labour and literally smiled to myself on the toilet. I had been waiting for this moment for weeks!!
I began lighting candles around the house and potted around, bouncing on my fit ball, just stoked to finally be in labour. I enjoyed a warm shower with clary sage which gave me some relief. At 1:00am I heard footsteps coming down the stairs - my husband appeared with a huge grin on his face. He knew I wouldn’t have lit the candles unless I was in actual labour. We were like excited children on Christmas morning! I swayed and breathed through the contractions, still five minutes apart, and we chatted in between. At 2:00am the contractions started to intensify and were about 4 minutes apart. I told Alex I wanted to get going to hospital soon and then talked myself out of it thinking it was too early. I was really enjoying labouring at home and the contractions were still completely manageable but I just wanted to get there with enough time to pump and fill the birth pool we had hired in the hope to have a water birth. We also live half an hour from the hospital and so I was nervous to wait too long, but in the end we decided to wait a little longer and enjoy the labour at home, just the two of us. When a contraction came I would say ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’. I sound like a fucking psychopath but I would literally smile out of joy during the contraction, knowing that my body and baby knew exactly what to do. I relaxed into each contraction and felt myself go limp each time, softening my jaw, shoulders and pelvic floor. I was enjoying this so much and felt like I was coping so well.
At 3:00am we called my Nanna who lives nearby to come and mind our daughter who was sleeping. Alex also called my midwife to let her know that we were going to head into hospital soon, telling her that contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart. I looked down at my TENs machine and realised that my contractions were quickly ramping up and were only about 2 minutes apart. We left home around 3:30am.
That. Car. Ride. I can’t even explain how intense those 30 minutes were. I was kneeling over the back seat with my TENs machine on and my labour comb in hand which were amazing, but wow, things got intense so quickly. About half way into town I started bearing down and thought I had pooed my pants, so when we finally got to the hospital I insisted on changing my knickers before getting out of the car. On the way I remember thinking to myself that I couldn’t do it anymore and that when we got to the hospital I was going to get pain relief, but then I caught myself having those thoughts and knew that I was in transition. Contractions were about a minute apart and I was so frightened that I was going to have a car birth. We arrived just before 4:00am and I changed my knickers and saw a bloody show, no poo! Alex grabbed the birth pool out of the car boot. I knew there was no time to pump and fill the pool but I couldn’t verbalise my thoughts. Contractions were so intense I had to stop in the car park and curl over to breathe through them. I was moving so slowly so Alex told me he was going to run the pool in to start filling and come back for me. I was right outside of the hospital doors and had a huge contraction. I was bearing down, grunting, and thought how ironic that I was going to give birth right outside of the hospital. (I never wanted a hospital birth but was not eligible for home birth through MGP). We entered the hospital and made our way down to the maternity ward, stopping with each contraction. When we arrived we heard the water running in the maternity ward bath - my beautiful midwife had began filling it ‘just in case’ after hearing my labouring sounds on the phone before we left home. There was definitely no time for our hired birth pool. I had a few contractions in the birth suite before heading across the hall to the bath. Another one came and I dropped to my knees beside the bath, bearing down strongly. My midwife knelt down in front of me and said “I think you need to get in the bath”. Her eyes and her tone told me that this was really happening.
Oh what sweet relief! The bath felt incredible. I swayed my hips between contractions and gripped the edge of the bath when they came, bearing down each time.
4:23am, I felt a sudden ‘pop’ and remembered then that my waters hadn’t yet ruptured. It kind of shocked me. I had no control over my body bearing down, it was just happening. All I could do was manage my breathing when it happened, and I kept thinking back to Juju Sundin’s ‘coffee plunger’ technique where you internalise your breath. It felt amazing, but then I started to feel a lot of pressure and burning. I put my hand down and felt something soft but my mind didn’t register. I did it again and was shocked when I realised it was my baby’s head. I knew this was happening quickly, but I didn’t actually believe that birth was so near. The bulging and pressure built and my breathing changed from internal ‘coffee plunger’ breath to short and quick external breaths. I’d never been here before. I’d never felt the ‘ring of fire’ or felt the bulging. It was something I will never forget. With each contraction my body pushed my baby further down and out, her head crowning for what felt like an eternity. It was the moments in-between contractions that were hard for me. The burning and stretching of the perineum, but I knew I had to take this part slow and my midwife reminded me of this which was something we had discussed in my pregnancy.
“I think it’s happening soon”, I said.
Another tightening, one big internal breath and her head emerged, her body began turning inside me. It was such a strange feeling that I thought that Alex’s hand that was stroking her head was putting pressure on it. Everyone had a little giggle at that and I apologised for telling him to stop pushing her back up.
The wait for the next contraction took forever - we were so eager to get this bubba out and into our arms. Two minutes passed and the contraction finally came. I internalised my breath and pushed her out, my husband’s hands waiting to catch her and bring her up onto my chest. 4:41am. She cried immediately. The relief from the pressure was instant and I felt incredible! I couldn’t believe what had just happened! I was so happy!
A few minutes later we checked her gender and were in absolute shock that she was a girl. We sat back and enjoyed this moment, staying in the bath for about 20 minutes taking her all in and in awe of what just happened. I had declined the syntocinon injection for the birth of the placenta so decided to hop out of the bath to let gravity help. We opted to keep the placenta attached to our baby for a few hours and so we manoeuvred our way back to the birth suite before birthing the placenta into a bowl at 5:07am, 26 minutes after birth.
I had a graze and a second degree tear that required stitching but once that was done I made my way to the shower. I was so damn high. I looked down at my body, free of needles and cords and drugs and I cried happy tears. I could not believe that it was over, just like that, and I could not believe how amazing I felt.
It was only a few hours later that we went home and introduced our baby daughter to her big sister, Winter. For the two next weeks I was on cloud nine - actually I think I still was a month later. Fleur’s birth was everything I had hoped for and more. I think she knew how much I needed this birth and I am just so so pleased/overwhelmed/shocked that I actually got to experience this.