MY DEAR FRIENDS HOMEBIRTH IN FRANCE

Dayna was my chosen doula for my pregnancy, birth and postpartum with my second baby Fleur. She was this angelic, blonde, beachy goddess who just made me feel so nurtured during my pregnancy. From little deliveries on my doorstep, to fear release meditations and pilates sessions in my bedroom, we bonded.

Dayna recently gave birth to her second child, a little boy, in a French apartment after chasing beautiful opportunities abroad with her French husband. She shares with us her story of a conscious conception, right through to the moment she held her son in her arms. A hilariously told story of birth and it’s unpredictability.

Photos by Laura Boil Photography

Through a journey of conscious conception I met my son months before receiving him into my womb. He told me he wanted no intervention in his journey earthside, he was one of those wild ones, and he trusted me that I had the strength and power to do it. He gave me these big cheeky smiles that said ‘you have no choice in the matter mama’.

You landed and we danced through a wild pregnancy for the first half. We settled in France and through all the uncertainty and changes - you were my one constant.

Feeling a little more defeated as each day after 39 weeks rolled around. I watched the strawberry moon come and go and in early hours of 39+5 I wept as you weren’t in my arms yet, and that pretty moon I had watched bloom to full had disappeared. I woke up just hours after and gave myself a decent pep talk. I found gratitude in growing you and keeping you to myself another day longer.

My toddler woke up and papa needed a sleep in. We quickly got out for a walk to get croissants, my mum joined too. I was not comfortable at all. Shooting pains and niggles and a lot of “oh what was that!!!???” But no signs of contractions, damn.  I got home to try and tune into my body. Bounced on the ball, listened to my favourite birth story podcast again… I quickly found a pattern. Tightenings every 7 minutes but I had to concentrate to find them. If birth was near well… we better get ready!

I sent my mum and toddler to the shops for every snack I could think of. My husband and I cleaned up our apartment. Decided to time the tightenings and quickly felt so confused and shocked… every 2-3 minutes? What! That can’t be right. The contraction app said time to go to the hospital… love that! Haha 😂 I kept going as usual and then wigged out and decided to time them again. Okay they are seriously 2-3 mins apart but I’m just casually going about my day feeling fine. ?? Weird.

My husband calls our midwife, I said don’t come over it’s probably just false labour. I feel 100% cool as a cucumber. But she insisted on just checking in “this is how second time birth goes” - not for me! I thought. I told my photographer/dear friend/doula what was going on and she texted back - on my way!

I was a little worried everyone was coming for no reason. There’s no way I was in labour.

12pm, my whole birth team walk through the door of our tiny apartment. I receive my first proper contraction right then and there. One that stopped me. My husband starts filling up the birth pool on the balcony… it’s half way full and we can’t move it… hahah! Okay if today is the day, looks like I’m birthing outside for the whole construction crew next door to see! My contractions are still 2/3 mins apart and they are ramping up! I started to believe today is the day but quickly find myself looking for another sign that confirms this.

No mucus plug, no waters, no bloody show, no vomiting. But why was having strong contractions on top of one-another!? I was so confused. We laughed a lot inbetween surges, my daughter loved having everyone over and was doing her best to impress us all. I didn’t stray far from my yoga ball and birth combs. My husband - the best doula for me, a pillar of support and one to make me crack a smile where I could. As long as I had him and the combs I was managing. I jumped into the birth pool for relief. I was so aware of what was going on. Contractions were really bearable but I wasn’t getting much of a break. The daylight, the great company, the excitement… it was hard to comprehend that I was in labour. Contractions slowed after a while of being in the warm waters and I was grateful to get my head together for a second. My daughter pouring warm water down my spine.. mmmm… was this really happening! What a dream!

Disbelief disbelief disbelief, where’s my second sign?! I got out of the pool and sat on the toilet. Dilation station. Bring my baby down please. Waiting for that unbearable contraction to come. It didn’t. Defeat. Exhale. My husband and I go into my room. I lay down and question what could be happening. Get out of your head Dayna, release control. I asked my husband to massage my feet. Purely for the selfish reasoning that he had no other choice but to say yes 😏 he gently goes to put this thumb to my foot and POP an explosion of waters release followed the most painful intense wildly ethereal other worldly and other dimensional pain, but more like an overpowering energy -  literally like I was being electrocuted (which is funny because I was electrocuted in the first trimester) rushed through me. Maybe two massive contractions ontop of each other. I knew people were talking to me wanting to know what I wanted to do but I couldn’t actually hear them. I was above my body looking down. I was holding my sons hand and yanking him into this realm. Please son, come now.

Okay I got my second sign! (But didn’t get my foot massage 🤷🏼‍♀️) I will believe I’m in labour now 😅😂 I got back into the pool. This is when I experienced the most europhic sensation life has to offer. When you hear women talk of orgasmic birth they’re all so wide eyed and loosey goosey about it, but now I know why. This was the only contraction I properly surrendered to and breathed like an angel too and it didn’t hurt AT ALL it was actually pleasurable. It occurred whilst I was lost listening to my meditation song which makes sense now. I wish I could have kept that momentum but I quickly found myself back in my head, you’re not progressing any more I thought, that’s was too easy. Which was instantly met with - bear the fuck down girl!

With one big contraction his head bungeed down my birth canal and crowned but when the contraction stopped he got sucked back up again. What the fuck don’t play me like that. The next contraction comes and it happens, again! I beg my baby to stay - c’mon baby, you can do this. And with my next contraction I went internal and found all the energy with in my body to hold his head on my perineum after the contraction tapered off. I closed my eyes and held him there with all my might. I don’t even know why or how I thought to do this, let alone actually physically executing the plan my brain had made up in that moment. Because it all happened so fast. As milliseconds went by that felt like hours to me, my son literally swam out. His hand came out with his head, I felt him turn and like nothing any one had seen  before he just wiggled his way into the water! I didn’t push or breathe - he just knew what needed to be done. So with in three contractions my husband was guiding our baby through my legs and into my arms.

After that initial shock and relief and ecstasy flooded in, my husband announced we had a boy 🥹 my boy! I knew it was him all along but physically holding him was everything I dreamed of and an infinite amount more ✨

He was so peaceful in my hands, instinctively I knew he was perfect but he was slow to come around. He wore his cord like a scarf - so he really was bungee’ing down - and I really did need that force to hold him down on my perineum! And he had a true knot too which I believe probably would have occurred turning from breach to head down at 35 weeks.

3.07pm a 3 hour labour of total mind games on my behalf. Looking back I am so disappointed with how much control I wanted even though I spoke words of surrender my entire pregnancy. But in comparison to my first birth, this labour I was completely present, a hundred percent aware and full of energy and excitement. It was also during the day with my daughter, husband, mama, photographer, midwife and student midwife, all of who I adore by my side. I remember absolutely every detail and can still feel every sensation which is something I had manifested for sure but never thought would be my reality.

I’ll dream of that one orgasmic contraction forever… 🫣🙇🏼‍♀️💭

I’ve touched on my immediate afterbirth in my story highlights, in short I haemorrhaged, had excruciating afterbirth contractions which were relieved after I passed a bunch of clots, fainted twice, the second time waking up looking at a coat hanger hanging from my bathroom door, a carabiner attached, holding an IV bag of fluids. I was laying on the floor where I chilled for a while while my midwives made placenta prints and cut pieces for smoothies.

After all my tea’s, a few bowls of nourishing curry, a peaceful moment watching the late spring sun set behind the pine tree out my bedroom window, rays of sun kissing Zephyr’s new skin, we snuggled up in bed. Mesmerised by birth, our bodies, new life and life itself.

It’s laughable for me to reflect on, and in the moment I laughed a lot too.. like what a story! But in the moment I felt really held and cared for. So desperately I wanted to freebirth, but my midwives and doula knew exactly what to do for me with no hesitation, I never felt in panic at all as I knew this was all normal for birth. Im stoked they were apart of Zephyr’s birth.

We’ve reflected on many theories as to why the afterbirth happened that way. (Later on we learnt a vessel was still alive in my uterus and holding onto a piece of placenta). Was it because I birthed in daylight and opened my eyes in a bit of shock? Or because I had a low lying placenta and the softer/less fibrous muscles didn’t close off the vessel when contracting? Either way I still loved every minute of the experience and know it was always written in the stars to be in our tiny apartment in Angresse, France on the balcony with our gorgeous birth team to witness! 😍

Highlights:

~ Racing to brush my teeth inbetween contractions with Billie and Thibs by my side - mortified to have stinky breath in labour

~ Billie using the potty for the first time and running out to the living room screaming “see that everybody!!! I did pee pee!” Just stealing my thunder for a little bit, but I’ll let her have it ☺️

~ Realising everyone had put up a sheet over the balcony railings so the workers next door couldn’t see me.

~ The cord burning ceremony. A beautiful moment of pause to really understand and respect the connection between placenta, cord and baby 🥹

~ After the birth my doula told me she went down stairs to tell our cranky neighbour a baby was about to be born. The b!tch replied “ugh, how long will it be?”, “you’re saying this could go all night?” 😂😅